Teach Them Well

Thanks to everyone who participated in the DS&D Blog Contest. Below is the winning topic I chose to write about:

How about pre-school kids getting kicked out because they are screaming, due to anxiety? What a horrible injustice it is to them. How they then feel that they can scream and get out of everything! How poorly some teachers handle things because they are not educated...

When Whitney Houston said “I believe the children are our future,“ she was right. Granted, she also said “crack is whack“ while she was a raging crackhead so she might not be the most credible person to refer to, but since crack really is whack, I guess she'll do.

Children are our future.  That is why I keep a lot of candy in my house. I want kids to like me. I’m going to need them one day. I may be the authority figure in their eyes now, but that won’t last. It won’t be long before they’re running the show and I’m so old that my doctor is using a forklift for my facelift and my birth certificate says “expired.”

Have you ever been driving along, minding your own business, when all of the sudden some old lady pulls out in front of you only to drive really, really slow? What do you do? What else can you do but vehemently shake your head, bust a vein in your forehead, hold your hands up in the air, and yell “Can you pick it up, grandma?” Next time you do that, keep this in mind: You will be that “grandma” before you know it and some guy is going to do the same thing when you’re going really slow. It won’t happen to me because I gave him candy, but it will happen to you.

Our country depends on the kids who will one day be driving behind us and if those kids don’t have good teachers now, we’re in big, big trouble.

I don’t know of anyone who thinks teachers are compensated fairly. Children may be our future but teachers are my heroes. The pay they receive doesn’t accurately reflect the importance of their job and I don’t care if they do have their summers off, they still work harder than most everyone who makes more than them. School may end at 3:00 or so, but that‘s not the end of their day. Many teachers are doing extra-curricular activities while others are working on lesson plans or correcting the work handed in that day.

For good teachers, teaching can be a thankless job. Sure, they get an apple every now and then but come on, that apple can’t make up for all the crap they take on a daily basis--even if it‘s one of those big, yellow Golden Delicious apples, and those are really good.

But not all teachers are good teachers. Some are bad. Like blowzerama bad and considering that they’re working with kids who are going to have a lot of say about what happens to us one day, that is not good. Notwithstanding the fact that teachers don’t make jack, they’re overworked and they’re underappreciated, they did, still and all, sign up for the job. I don’t care what kind of job you have, have some freakin’ self respect and do it to the best of your ability or get out. I feel strongest about that statement if that job is teaching because that is pretty much the most important job there is. That’s where it all starts.

It all starts with the teachers.

I’m not saying teachers can’t bitch about their jobs, I totally would, and as far as I’m concerned, the better the teacher, the more room they’re allowed for bitching. But if you’re not a good teacher, hit the bricks. You didn’t get into the profession for the cash or the notoriety so what were you expecting? There are lots of people who are waiting for your job and not only would they be thrilled to get it, they’d probably rock it out.

Now, I don’t know the whole story about the little kid who was kicked out of pre-school for crying but I’m picturing two sides of the story:

The Side of the Parent:
You just kicked my kid out for crying and clearly he has anxiety about something. Plus, he’s in pre-school. That is what little kids do. They cry and whine and scream. How about drawing on something you learned in school instead of kicking him out? Now I have to figure out what to do with my kid while I’m working and not only that, but thanks to you and your blatant laziness in teaching, he now thinks he can get away with all kinds of crap just because he is crying and screaming. What is my kid being taught from all of this? Nothing good. Thanks a lot, bad teacher. I’m never giving you a Golden Delicious apple.

The Side of the Teacher:
I’m sorry that I had to unload your kid, but I have lots of other kids in my class and your kid is making my job very difficult. I’m a teacher, not a glorified babysitter. How can I effectively teach the kids who aren’t crying and screaming while your kid is having a anxiety attack at the glue and popsicle stick table?

Am I close? And if I am, who's right?　

Contest!!

I'm holding a contest!!

This is my first one. I'm excited. It's not hard and if it were me, I would totally enter.

Here's the deal:
I feel like I don't know a lot of you because our relationship is very one-sided. I do all the talking "Blah Blah Blah" and then I leave. Not only do I do all the talking, but I pick the topic too. Who wants to be friends with somene like that? How about YOU pick the topic and then I'll do all the talking and then I'll leave? It's not the most ideal relationship, I agree, but it's something.

I want to know what YOU want to hear about.

Pretend like we're at lunch and you have something to say. Get it out. You pick the topic and you start. You say what you want to say and then I'll take it from there. I promise to be honest and forthwright. Basically, I'll be the same as I always am. If you'd prefer to just throw down a topic, and not elaborate on it, that is good too. Maybe other people will comment after I go and then it will be like a big lunch, not just me and you. Then you will be happy because it will mean that other people want to have lunch with you.

RULES:

Contest Dates:
Starts now, Easter Sunday 8:00 AM (Happy Easter, by the way)
Ends Wednesday, April 27th at noon.
All topics must be submitted by then.

Body of Topic
Your idea could look like this:
Hi Robyn. I think you should talk about how awesome everyone thinks Eminem's latest album Recovery is even though, in reality, it's really not his best. The good songs are REALLY strong, I could listen to "WTP," "No Love" and "Untitled" all day, but there are a few songs that would be blowzer central if they didn't have the strong hook. I think America likes a good comeback story because his Relapse album was scary bad. I also think that everyone on his payroll lives up his ass and the critics have found their way up there too.

Your idea could also look like this:
Hi Robyn. I think you should talk about germs. How do you feel about kids and germs?

Your idea should not look like this:
Hi Robyn. YOU SUCK AND SO DOES YOUR BLOG.


There are 3 ways to enter the contest:
1. You can leave your idea as a comment on this blog entry.

2. You can leave your idea on the Dim Sum and Doughnuts Facebook page (Just click on the Facebook badge on the right of this blog home page, it will take your over there--there are some cute pics and videos there too).

3. You can leave your idea on my Twitter page (you can get there by clicking on the twitter icon on my blog home page). I'm new to Twitter so I don't have any cute videos.

Prize
Why else play? I will send you a prize for sure! But there's a catch. I know, I'm sorry. I can only mail within the Continental U.S. I'm so sorry. I know I have readers from all kinds of really cool countries, and you guys are my favorite because you're so exotic with your cool accents and stuff but I just can't mail to you. If you don't want to play, I understand. If you still choose to play, I'll make a donation to a charity in your name and I'll say really good things about you.

How the winner will be chosen
I have a list of topics saved up for the blog. Ideas come to me all the time. I'm looking for something that I haven't already thought of. I want to know what you guys are thinking about and honestly, I also want to see if I can write about it.

Questions
I know I have a rule that I won't comment on comments but if you genuinely have a question, leave it on the blog, the FB page or on Twitter. I promise I'll get back to you.

If you have anything, anything at all, bring it on. Don't doubt yourself. Look at the crazy stuff I write about. I'll take anything!

Good luck.
PS. The prize is cute. I got one for me so I decided to get one for you too.
If a guy wins, you'll get a different prize than the "cute" one. I promise it won't suck.

~R

Self Reliance

When the Seal song If You Don‘t Know Me By Now came on the radio the other day, my 4 year old daughter Sweet Pea said: “Mommy, I don’t like this song.”

You know why you don’t like it, Sweet Pea? BECAUSE IT BLOWS.

Why did Seal do a remake of that song? I don't get it. Was his label pushing him with a release date for the album and he ran out of time? Maybe he was just too busy with his hot wife and 20 kids to do another song, so he fell back on a cover tune. Whatever his reasons, it made me sad when I heard it. Seal was good. He is good. I expected more from him. The song doesn't make him stand out all (at least not in a good way) and what‘s more, his version didn't seem to be any different (or as good) as the original.

Artists have been doing covers for as long as I can remember. Madonna took a stab at American Pie (you blew that one, Madge), Brittany tried I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll (poor, misguided, raised-by-Hollywood Brittany), and the song Landslide has been done by pretty much everyone but me.

There is one song out right now that is really bugging the crap out of me though. Daughtry (he is no longer Chris Daughtry in case you didn't know--he is just Daughtry) and Santana have come out with a remake of the classic Def Leppard song Photograph.

My first issue is inconsequential but I have to get it out: Santana is listed as the artist. I don't like that. He is not the artist. He didn’t write the song and he’s not singing it. He’s playing an instrument, yes, but I don’t understand how that makes him the artist. Stop it, Santana!

My second issue is this: Photograph? Why, Daughtry? Why'd you do it? There was nothing wrong with the orig. Nothing. Was it Santana's idea? Is that it? He hasn't done much lately, maybe he talked you into it. Do you just love that song? Is that why you did it? It is a good song, I agree. Was there a real need for a new version though? I don‘t think so. I go out sometimes and I never heard anyone say “Don’t you think it’s time for a remake of Photograph?" And do know why I have never heard anyone say that? Because no one ever has. You must have a Donald Trump size ego if you think you can do Photograph better than Def Leppard. By the way, you can't.

But besides questioning Daughtry‘s reasons for singing Photograph, the other question I find myself asking is this: Why is it being played? What does that say about the radio stations choosing to play the song, and what does it say about current music that is being released?

I’m all about taking a song and doing something completely different with it. I haven't watched American Idol this season, but there have been contestants in the past who have done remakes that have rocked the house. Or, once in awhile a cover comes along that is crazy good. Jimi Hendrix's All Along The Watchtower and  Jeff Buckly's Hallelujah are both solidly awesome, but let's face it-- in most cases, original songs are usually better.

I love that Sweet Pea, of all people, busted Seal’s cover wide open. She has never heard Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes sing it, or Simply Red (that's who I originally thought sang it) but she knows what’s up. She comes up with crazy outfits and fun hair styles and little sayings and she rocks them all with confidence and attitude. One day she will want to dress the same, talk the same and do the same things as her friends because, at a certain age, kids just want to blend in. But I hope she maintains her originality and continues to do her own thing on some level because to me, she is the original.

Birth Day

My daughter, Sweet Pea, is four years old today. When she busted into our bedroom at 7AM, she informed us that today is her birthday-- you know, in case we weren’t sure.

Me: Weren‘t you just a baby yesterday? When did you become four years old?
Sweet Pea: At 7:00!

She then asked us why she wasn’t big. Do you remember wanting to know the same thing when you were little? I do. Every year on my birthday, I would wake up bummed that I wasn’t taller, or disappointed that I didn’t feel older.

I still don’t notice physical change so much. I never seem to notice until after it has happened. You know what I'm talking about: The scars we have accumulated fade when we’re not looking and the wrinkles pop up when we’re not paying attention. I have, however, noticed that I haven’t been as preoccupied with checking for my own changes because I’m too busy witnessing all the changes in my kids. And the changes are happening, fast.

On this day, Sweet Pea’s 4^th birthday, my wish is for everything to stay the way it is now--forever. But I don’t get a wish today, it’s not my birthday. I wonder if I can somehow con Sweet Pea into using my wish? She won’t though. She’ll wish for an Ariel costume or a Beauty and The Beast DVD. My wish is really good, but she won’t want anything to do with my wish.

I’ll just have to save it for my birthday. But don't tell anyone, because then it won't come true.

Gavel Grabbers

The other day I was pulling out of my daughter’s pre-school when I noticed a car pulling in. Pick up is at 2:00. That driver was late. I couldn’t tell if she was stressed and anxious or if she was calm and apathetic. I just knew that she was late. I shook my head slowly, sighed softly and proceeded with the judging process. I’d like to know what she was doing that made her so late to pick up her kid? What is she so busy with that she can’t be there at 2:00?

I drove away doing the hair flip of self righteous complacency since I was, of course, on time. The fact that I was late the day before has no relevance here. I'm sure some of the moms  judged me that day, but whatever. I had a good reason for being a little late and also--it was me. 

Before I became a mother, one of my friends let me in on something very interesting. She said: You will never feel more judged than you will as a mother.

Now that I am, indeed, a mother, I feel I am in a good position to report the following:
1. I agree.
2. I don’t care.

If you’re not sure whether or not others are judging you, let me tell you this--they are. Not everyone, and not all the time--but a lot of people, a lot of the time. These people are lifting their eyebrows at the grocery store, questioning your parenting techniques while your kid is having a total freak-out in the candy aisle, they’re sitting by you at the school play thinking you should have given that gingham midriff top a little more consideration before leaving the house, and they’re throwing figurative stones in the car pool pick-up line when you show up late.

Who among us doesn’t judge, and who among us is free from judgment?

I believe we are all guilty of grabbing the gavel every once in awhile. It’s human nature to judge. And if, in fact, we all do it, it stands to reason that it’s going to come back our way at one point or another. We judge and we are being judged.

Some people care that they are being judged and some people do not. For those who don’t care, as long as you’re not stepping on others to get what you want or ignoring the basic standards of common decency, good for you. High five. In my opinion, not caring is a much easier way to live.

For those of you who do care, be nice. I have found that if you’re a nice person, people are less likely to judge you. Being nice is judgment kryptonite. It’s harder for judgers to judge nice people because if the one judging has even the slightest conscious, they will feel bad ripping on a nice person. Wear those white patent leather boots to a PTA meeting, show off that tramp stamp during parent/teacher conferences, it doesn’t matter--you’re safe behind your shield of niceness--and if someone dares to judge someone as nice as you, that person is a bitch. And trust me, everyone knows it, including, but not limited to, the bitch herself.

Bitches use judging as a pastime. I know people like this; people with really bad energy. They're out there. Judging is one of their basic traits. Smugness shows on their faces, criticism permeates their social interactions, and for the most part, what they have to say (about pretty much everything) is negative. But know this, bitches--you’re also getting shredded right and left. You’re getting it because there are so many who feel you deserve it and let’s face it, you probably do. You started it. Bitches.

I don’t know why some of us care about what others think and why some of us don’t. Not caring may come with age and exhaustion, or it could be that it’s just an innate part of certain personalities. For many (myself included) as our families grew bigger, our social circles grew smaller so now the only people we truly care about are those coveted few in our inner circle. And those are the ones who love us for all that we are, and all that we come with, without passing judgment.

But some people just can't help but care what the peripherals think. It does seem that caring would be a very natural response, but speaking from a purely cognitive and logical place, I have to ask: Why? Besides wasting your time and energy, what's it doing for you? I'll be you a Birken bag that it's doing nothing, well nothing productive. If you're a good person, who cares what anything else thinks? Chances are the person judging you doesn't know you and you're just the unsuspecting victim of a drive-by judging--or maybe the judger is a miserable bitter sister who is trying to make herself feel better about her own life. Who knows?

Bottom Line: If you feel the need to judge someone, I‘m not going to tell you not to, it’s human nature, we all do it a times--but also know that you, too, are vulnerable to the same thing. You’re going to be judged whether you ask for it or not. If you’re a bitch, you’re asking for it. If you’re not, you’re a bit safer, but still, not totally safe. We will never change the fact that people judge, but we can control how much or how little we actually care.

Stop The Madness

There is an epidemic sweeping our nation. An LOL epidemic. It’s in our emails, our Facebook pages, our t-shirts (not mine), our text messages, everywhere.

To my knowledge, LOL is internet slang for laugh out loud. It’s quite the compliment when someone responds to something you’ve written with “LOL.” Receiving a “HAHAHA!” or “You’re so funny!“ is also pretty good because your humor has been acknowledged, but a full-fledged LOL response means that you actually made your reader laugh out loud. Nice work.

Somewhere along the way, however, people have started to use LOL with reckless abandon. They drop it arbitrarily and haphazardly in places where it doesn‘t belong, they use it within their own dialogue and, perhaps most importantly, they are using it when they’re not really laughing out loud.

We are living within the generational throws of LOL anarchy. Our social mediums are being overtaken due to a total lack of absence of enforced authority. We can either take cover and maintain current conditions, or we can move forward towards some sense of order and control.

Do I stand alone amidst this virtual LOL free-for-all? Am I the only one who feels that LOL is not being used as it was once intended? Could it be?

Could it be just me?

Allow me to offer up some of the offenses I have witnessed and some of the offenders with whom I take issue:

Part 1: The Offenses

1. Placing LOL within a comment or a sentence is risky. For those of you who insist on taking this risk (don‘t look around, you know who you are), I would like to know if you are really sitting there laughing out loud? No, you are not. I don’t care how funny you are, you are not sitting there LOL’ing at something you wrote.

2. I find it to be extremely presumptuous to end a sentence with LOL. A simple smiley face emoticon works wonders in these instances. You’re getting your point across with a smile instead of forcing funny. Plus, I feel like you're telling me that you’re laughing at what you wrote and I should too. Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not the boss of me. You don’t get to tell me that what you wrote is funny. I get to tell YOU if it’s funny. And if it is, I will respond by writing LOL. Not you. Me.

3. Ending your sentence with LOL doesn’t automatically make it funny. OK? It doesn’t. Quit relying on LOL to make you, your comment or your sentence funny. It won’t.

Part 2: The Offenders

1. Some people are LOL Two-fers (i.e. they write a sentence with not one but two LOL’s in it, one in the middle of the sentence and one at the end). These sentences usually have a lot of “…” and they look something like this: I saw Joe at the store today…he totally looked at me…LOL…I bet he never calls though ..LOL. Nothing is funny and no one is laughing out loud. Cut it out, Two-fers!

2. The Nervous LOL’er. I see this quite a bit. The Nervous LOL’er ends something they’ve written with LOL because they’re not entirely confident in what they wrote. They are socially anxious people, but they still want to be part of the conversation. They hope that if the reader finds no humor in their comment, at the very least they’ll think it’s just a joke because it was concluded with LOL. Nervous LOL’ers use LOL as their wing man but I say: Go solo. Lose LOL. Let your freak flag fly.

3. It’s bad when moms use LOL, but it’s not the worst. I’m going to go so far as to say that moms are borderline acceptable LOL offenders. Maybe I’m biased, but I feel that moms sacrifice so much they deserve a little LOL leeway. If you are a mom who drives a minivan, wears mom jeans and has the mom bob, you get the LOL nod (you have to embody all three though). You are hereby permitted to use LOL in your sentences, but doing it sparingly would be appreciated. If you really feel that something you have written is funny, go for it, mama. Put that Town and Country in PARK, pull those LEE jeans up and LOL your ass off.

4. Are you a single woman looking for a relationship? Care to guess how I feel about you using LOL in your sentences? If you are looking to hook up with someone who is a total dork, you should definitely do it. If you want someone who is cool, then outside of a response to something that elicits an actual laugh, I would tread carefully. If, however, you find the man you are going to marry by peppering your sentences with LOL, let me know and I will graciously retract this. But if he also uses LOL in his sentences, you have not only cancelled each other out, but your dispute is denied and my statement still stands.

5. Are you a guy? Are you a married or single guy? Actually, I don’t really care. If you are a guy who uses LOL for anything other than as a reply to someone who legitimately made you laugh, you need to stop. You're a guy. You don’t get to use LOL in your written dialogue EVER. Well, maybe sometimes? NO. Never. REPLY ONLY. You also need to throw out your old, faded grey sweatpants that have pockets on the sides. I know you have them. You’re totally the type.

In conclusion, most all of us are guilty (not me) of one or more LOL violations. It’s not your fault. LOL has been virtually on its own since its inception with no one to govern its usage or define its rules. But thanks to me generously providing some very basic LOL guidelines and the wherewithal to proceed on course, you are now armed with the necessary means to move forward (with caution).

It’s time to give LOL a permanent home as the acronym that represents real laughter--and that is all. "HAHAHA," "You're so funny!" and smiley face emoticons aren't getting the attention they deserve while LOL is being used more than it should in ways that it shouldn’t. It’s up to us to put an end to these LOL violations. We can do it. Spread the word. Stop the madness.