My husband, Cody, owns an overnight camp for kids in Northern Michigan. It’s called Camp Tanuga. Cody and our stubby-tail Golden Retriever, Floyd, have been there for several weeks. Under normal circumstances, Sweet Pea, Lovey and I would be there too, but we're running a little late this year.
Soon enough, though, I’ll be packing up my girls, my office and my Bendel bracelets to make our summer move.
It just so happens that the DS&D site is being redecorated at the same time, so it seems like a natural point to take a blog break. I hope to be back one day soon and I hope you’ll come back too.
Be safe, be happy and if you go shopping--buy me something.
XO
~R
Were any of your TV shows canceled?
I’ll go first.
Brothers and Sisters: It was time. I don’t think I saw one episode from this past season. I’m not sure why. Oh, wait. I remember now. It sucked. That show was done awhile ago. What was up with the Sarah sister hooking up with the guy from…? I don’t even know where he was from. All I know is that they had no chemistry and the whole relationship was stupid. Even if you loved that show, you have to admit that relationship was all kinds of wrong and the show stunk worse than a dressing room at Loehmann's. Rob Lowe was such a smartie to jump ship when he did. It’s like they didn’t know what to do with him. They made him really mean, and then nice again, and then he died. Good for him. Death was the right choice. He’s rocking it out over at Parks and Recreation and every time he says “litrally,” he “litrally” makes me giggle.
The Defenders: I’m not going to lie. I liked it. I did. It was a CBS show. Does that make me a senior citizen? Should I get one of those bathing suit cover ups with the bikini printed on it? Should I run out and buy some coral lipstick and matching coral nail polish on the way to my early bird dinner? I know that‘s what you‘re thinking. I don’t care. I liked that show, and I’m sad to see it go.
Detroit 1-8-7: This is a tricky one for me. I watched it. I still can’t figure out if I watched it because I’m a Detroiter or if I watched it because it was good. I didn’t rush home for it but if I was folding clothes and it was on my Tivo, I was happy to see it there. I was sad when the hot cop died towards the end, but then I heard from a very reliable source that he wanted out of the show because he didn’t love living in Detroit. Screw you, hot cop. You don’t like The D? We’re over. You’re not THAT hot.
Friday Night Lights: “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can‘t Lose.” We have Direct TV so the final season has already played out. I was heartbroken when it ended. I loved that show so much that I actually contemplated scheduling shiva calls at my house when it ended. I didn’t want to grieve all by myself. Unfortunately, I don’t know too many other people who watched it so basically everyone would have been coming here to eat 7 layer cake and little brownies. Damn freeloaders. You don't understand my pain. Long live Coach Taylor and Tim Riggins. Texas Forever.
Law & Order: Los Angeles. How many Law & Orders are there? How many do you need? Give it a rest. Get a room with CSI. Jeez.
Mr. Sunshine: I kind of liked this show! The humor was a little forced at times but there were some really funny lines. I heard that Chandler, or whatever his name was on the show, is going to rehab so it got canceled. I remember when he was on Friends and he went to rehab for a pill addiction. He looked horrible during that time. He didn’t look horrible on Mr. Sunshine. He can’t need rehab too badly. I refuse to accept this cancellation.
Off The Map: I tried to watch it because the QB from Friday Night Lights was on it but it was so bad that even he couldn’t save it. Off the Map was just plain crap.
Running Wilde: I wanted to love this show because Will Arnett is so great. Unfortunately the show wasn’t. TV needs to find a place for Will Arnett. He’s really funny. Nothing makes me happier than when he and Alec Baldwin have a scene together on 30 Rock. TV needs Will Arnett. Can't FOX just bring back Arrested Development?
Are you sad about any shows being canceled or do you think this is my dumbest post ever? Were you surprised by any of the cancellations? What do you think about Ashton Kutcher likely taking over for Sheen on Two and a Half Men? Do you you have a TV?
A Little Poem...
I have lower back pain, and although I try to deal
It makes for a rough day and I miss shoes with a heel.
For my back discomfort I blame my dad
It’s a problem he always had.
If it's in the genes, then I have no fear
for my kid from China--she's probably in the clear.
You know what? That's so not fair
She already has great hair.
She's totally getting a free pass
Instead of driving me crazy, she should be kissing my ass.
Back pain hurts--it really, really sucks
Especially because my littler one still needs to be picked up.
The doc put me on prednisone, aren’t I lucky?
I’ll never poop again and my face is getting puffy.
I also have to do physical therapy thrice a week
Who’s got time for that? Not me.
I was hoping for a guy therapist, someone who's hot
But I met her yesterday, and she's not.
Look at that, time for another pill
I’m starting to look like Ryan O’Neal.
I saw a commercial for a drug I wanted to try
But one of the side effects mentioned was “thoughts of suicide.”
Suicide? No, I don’t think so
Shaq has a better chance of shooting a free throw.
Yes, that line is from an Eminem song--I’m his biggest fan
Sometimes my husband calls me “Stan.”
I think that I am no longer making sense
Time to put this stupid poem to rest.
My back hurts so it’s a good time to be over
Getting older sure is a blowzer.
The movie You’ve Got Mail (1998) was primarily about love blooming over the internet even though the lead characters were business rivals in real life. It also explored the demise of the independent book store at a time when “mega” bookstores were first starting to take over. It’s a solid example of art imitating life. Borders and Barnes & Noble bookstores were popping up all over the place, king kong’ing many (if not all) of the small, local bookstores that stood in their way.
I remember getting angry as Meg Ryan’s character walked through the “Fox Books” super bookstore. It was a big store and, to me, uninviting. Sure, it boasted nice discounts, fancy coffee drinks and more variety, but it lacked the charm and warmth of “The Shop Around The Corner.“ I pointed at that “Fox Books“ and thought to myself: You big bully bookstores! You just wait. You’ll get yours one day!
Well, I think that day is here.
I was in a Borders bookstore the other day and it felt like the place was on life support. I got what I came for and I was out of there. Though one of the employees assured me that they weren’t yet on the list of stores to close, I felt like death was at the door and I had no intention of being there for the flatline.
Did I originally wish so many years ago that the large bookstore chains would all go out of business? Yes, but that was only because, as far as I was concerned, it was their fault that the local ones were going under. If we lose all of the big book stores (because at least in my area that’s really all that’s left) where will we be?
There was a Barnes & Noble not far from my house that I didn’t hate. I actually spent a lot of time there. I would have preferred a smaller, more quaint bookstore, but probably because of that Barnes & Noble, there weren’t any around. Being left with no other choice, I enjoyed my fair share of vanilla lattes and made friends with the employee who had a bar through his nose and a ton of tattoos I didn‘t understand.
After that one closed, I defaulted to a Borders that was a little farther away. As of just recently, it’s also gonzo and that bummed me out because it had a totally cool stage in the children's section where my girls jumped around like pogo sticks and made best friends with kids they‘d never see again. It wasn't too bad there. My girls were happy and I could watch over them with one eye while browsing through books and toys with the other.
And the store I was just in-- no, I don’t love that one, but it’s now the closest one to my house and I’m starting to get desperate. Unfortunately, if it were a person, it would have a broken hip, a breathing tube and a poop bag. The days are numbered over there. I’m sure of it.
Why is this happening? (That is actually a rhetorical question because I think I actually know the answer--and not only that, but I think I‘m partly to blame). What would you say if I said that I think the mortality of the mega stores has something to do with websites such as amazon.com and wireless reading devices such as the Kindle or the Nook? Would you agree or no?
It’s so easy and convenient to order a book (used or new) from Amazon.com, or websites such as that one. I’m guilty. So guilty. But I still buy from bookstores too. Don’t take those away from me! I haven’t caved completely. I haven’t gotten a Kindle or a Nook. At least I’m still buying actual books. Doesn’t that count for something?
Are we closing in on the end of bookstores? I think we might be and that makes me very sad. I guess I could go rent You’ve Got Mail at Blockbuster to make myself feel better…oh wait, I almost forgot. I can’t.
Sweet Pea, my four year old, has a CD that she has had since we got her from China. I don’t remember who gave it to her but it’s a mixed CD and she still plays it quite frequently. There are only a few sucky songs so I don’t really mind. The opening song is by Sheryl Crow. I love Sheryl Crow. The song is called “Light In Your Eyes" and the lyrics go like this:
You gotta talk to the One who made you
Talk to the One who understands
Talk to the One who gave you
All the light in your eyes
All the light in your eyes
Crow: I don’t know, Wyatt…you gotta talk to the one who made you.
Or maybe she recorded it as a safety net for herself so when Wyatt inevitably pulls some crap in the future, she can say You know what, Wyatt? I’m done. I give up. Someone else needs to take over. You need to go talk to the one who made you.
Can someone find out the deal? I want to know.
I wonder if Sheryl Crow recorded this song before Wyatt not knowing that she was going to eventually adopt a kid. If that is the case, she might have some explaining to do if he one day holds up the CD and says: I want to talk to the one who made me--you said I could.
I don’t know the dynamics of their relationship to Wyatt’s birth mother, maybe they’re in touch with her. In our case, we have no info on Sweet Pea's birth mother so I can tell you that if Sweet Pea comes to me with that same request, my response will probably be something like: “Good luck with that.”
Maybe Sheryl Crow recorded the song before adopting, knowing that she was going to adopt, and now she has a sort of insurance policy against all mother-son questions that Wyatt may ask in the future:
Wyatt: Why do windows and vases break when I sing? Why don’t I have great, flippy hair? Why don’t I have a killer body at 40-something?
Yesterday when I was doing the morning drive drop-off, I got to hear a little Drew and Mike in the Morning in between snippets of a song coming from Sweet Pea, my four year old, in the back seat. Sweet Pea was singing something about how her daddy likes to eat bagels in the bathroom (he doesn’t) and Drew and Mike were reviewing audio of a kid from a Milford, MI high school. The kid was talking about how his days are filled with relentless bullying. (The Justin Bieber t-shirt he insists on wearing probably isn’t doing him any favors, but I know that’s not the point).
When I got home, I grabbed the mail from day before and although I was short on time, I somehow found myself flipping through the latest issue of People, Style Watch magazine. I landed on Tim Gunn’s Who Got It Right? segment. It was then that I realized that bullying doesn’t necessarily only happen face to face and it doesn’t necessarily end when we become adults. It seems to me that there is a “Bully Spectrum” and it ranges from “Horrible” to “Acceptable.”
In the magazine, Tim Gunn complimented Keri Hilson’s outfit (whoever the hell she is) while shredding Vanessa Hudgens’s. He said that Hudgens's printed dress and jacket were "fighting with each other." It so happens that he was right and even I sighed while looking at Hudgens’s outfit, but I’m also not putting it in print for thousands and thousands of people to see. I was thinking it to myself and then yes, I may have mentioned something to my daughter, Lovey. I may have said something to her about how Hudgens might want to invest in a full length mirror, but that doesn’t really count because Lovey is 23 months old and she doesn’t even know what freakin' day it is.
I felt bad for Hudgens. I’m sure she thought she looked really cute before Tim Gunn gunned her down. I imagine her feelings were hurt when she opened the magazine to see herself next to Hilson with a comment about how Hilson’s outfit worked and hers didn’t.
Just because Gunn’s hurtful (albeit truthful) comments are placed within the pages of a magazine, does that mean that it‘s not actually bullying? Or is it a form of bullying, just a more “acceptable“ form?
What if he had done it like this instead? What if he had put up a picture of two people wearing tiaras and let the reader decide who got it right while leaving his own comments out?
WHO GOT IT RIGHT?
Is that a better idea? I truly don't know. I just know that bullying is everywhere and if we can't figure out where it starts, I don't know how the hell we're going to make it stop.
The other day I got a text from my cousin, "Gisele" (I wonder why she picked that blog name?) and she said that her son just learned the following tune from one of his friends: “Milk, milk, lemonade--around the corner fudge is made!”
Did you sing that when you were a kid? I did. In fact, I used to sing it with Gisele. It was a good song; I might start singing it again. We also used to do “Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke” but that one is off limits because I have a daughter from China and she is, for the most part, potty trained. In any event, that little fudge packing ditty prompted me to start thinking about all the fun things Gisele and I used to do.
We spent many Saturday nights with a bowl of cheetos, the White Pages and a phone. What else did we need? We weren’t sitting on opposite ends of the couch playing some handheld video game with different colored bricks all by ourselves--no we were not. If we weren’t yelling “You sunk my battleship!” or beating each others asses at Connect 4, we were making phony phone calls and we were doing it together.
Kids these days think they have it so good with all of their electronic gadgets, but they don’t know. How can a sleepover be fun unless you make at least one or two attempts to call Jenny at 867-5309? Or what about that restaurant with the cute bus boy? Is it no longer hilarious to call there, ask for him and when he picks up say: "Is your refrigerator running?"
When did kids become too cool for fun?
When my girls are ready for sleepovers, I’m going to load them up with oreos, give them our home phone, and arm them with the caller ID blocker number. Then I’m going to have them call my old English professor who hated me because one time when he said "Does anyone have any questions?" I raised my hand and asked why he insisted on saying “aw-yillery” instead of “auxiliary." I am going to have them call THAT guy, and when he answers (and he will because if he's not dead, he'll be home) I will have them say: “Hi, is this Craven Moorehead? Are you Craven Moorehead?"
And then they will crack up, eat 17 oreos and it will be the best sleepover EVER.
Today is Mother's Day. It's a very special day in which we honor mothers, grandmothers and stepmothers--unless you're a wicked stepmother and then you don’t get honored, but you do get representation in almost every Disney movie.
On this day, I'd like to take a moment to wish one mother in particular a very Happy Mother's Day: Sweet Pea’s birth mother. (Sorry, mom, I know you thought it was going to be you. You’re good too. Bang up job on both of your kids, really nice work).
I don’t know the circumstances surrounding Sweet Pea’s birth mother’s decision to give up her daughter. Maybe she was waiting for a son. Maybe she already had a child and the one child rule in China prevented her from having another. Maybe she wasn’t married. I don’t know. I just know that a very selfless mother in a country very far away brought my child into this world and I imagine this day can’t be easy for her.
I went into the adoption under the impression that we were doing something really great and really commendable. We were going to free Sweet Pea from the orphanage and give her a better life. But in the end, it was Sweet Pea who gave us a better life. The moment she was put into my arms, she transformed a couple into a family, she became a sister to Floyd, and two years later, she became a big sister to Lovey.
And she made me a mother.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there who, like me, are doing the best that they can do. I hope you get fat ass, crazy expensive presents and maybe a minute to yourself today. And Happy Mother’s Day to Sweet Pea’s birth mother, who gave me the best gift of all.
I was at lunch the other day with my girlfriend, Busy, and as the hostess was seating us, she and Busy simultaneously started complaining about the weather. It was unseasonably cold that day and they had every right to complain. The thing is, the hostess started to tell us that she had a friend who was vacationing in Florida (I don't remember all the details because I was way more interested in looking over the menu so I could feed my fat face) and she was hoping that her friend would bring some good weather back with her.
Let me repeat: She was hoping that her friend would bring some good weather back with her. Stop right there.
NO ONE IS BRINGING WEATHER HOME WITH THEM.
You can't bring weather anywhere. It's impossible. You may be a mother, but you're not Mother Nature. You can bring a t-shirt. You can bring a sea shell (but not for me, thanks). You can even bring a little bag of pretzels if you're lucky enough to get some on your flight, but no one is bringing back weather.
No one is ever allowed to ever say that ever again.
No? OK. I tried.
The following things are OK
(At least as far as I'm concerned)
It's OK if you don't belong to a country club. Just make sure you have a friend who does. That way you get to have all the fancy fun with none of the demanding dues.
It's OK if you can't fold a fitted sheet. No one can.
It's OK if you accidentally stepped on a toy and broke it. It's even OK that you acted all sorry even though you really weren't because secretly you hated that toy and you're happy to see it go.
It's OK if your reason for not driving a Minivan is because you know random guys probably won't check you out any more.
It's OK if you use the 3 second rule for more than just food--like that car in front of you that hasn't moved even though the light is green. Tap that horn and give that car a little reminder. "Let's get it on, pal. That light ain't gonna get any greener."
It's OK if you are steadfast about your bra and undies matching everyday. You could get into an accident and you don't want to be remembered by the fireman and police officers as the lady whose bra and undies didn't match. That is just no way to be remembered.
I won't ever be able to write a song that disses my mom for popping vikes or bashes my dad for being absent because my parents weren’t like that. They showed up when it came to parenting-- it didn't matter what they were going through at the time, they showed up. And they were good parents.
Not all parents are like that.
My parents instilled self confidence without encouraging arrogance. They promoted self- worth without compromising reality. They raised me to focus on what I had to offer, even on the days when I felt I didn't have much. They knew I felt the need to overcompensate for my shortcomings but they worked with me so I would grow out of that.
There is nothing worse than some guy who thinks he is The Man but he only talks about himself and he wears his golf shirt tucked ALL THE WAY into his jeans without pulling it out a just little bit to give it that much needed belly front fluff, or some girl in her 30’s who feels the need to tell anyone who will listen that her Aunt Rita is friends with the mom of a kid who goes to school with one of Eminem's daughers.
My parents didn't want me to be like that.
I just needed to do what I could do and do it to the best of my ability, and that would be enough. They knew what I was capable of and those were the boundaries they abided by. When I complained incessantly that I couldn’t deal with the spit that got caught in the mouth piece of the clarinet, my mom eventually let me quit. She knew I was much better suited for dance and tennis and let me do what I loved. Tiger Mom she was not, but she fostered my development and pushed my potential just enough so that I would, one day, emerge to be exactly who I am. And I’m good with who I am.
I want to do the same with my girls. I want to find that balance. But what if the talent they are looking to be praised for doesn‘t exist? When do the lines of being supportive and being honest cross?
My 4 year old daughter, Sweet Pea, made me a picture the other day and after she gave it to me she said “Mommy, I made this for you. Isn't it beautiful? It's Snow White, Snow White and Lovey (her little sister). What do you think?”
What do I think? Well, it's beautiful to me because I'm the mommy but I don't think it's going to get my girl any scholarships. It's definitely lacking in some areas, I mean, look at the one that is supposed to be Lovey. What the hell is that all about?
Sweet Pea is so great at so many things and I’m not worried about her future for one minute. (Unless, of course, she decides to become an artist. If that is the case, in front of the word “Artist” it might say “Starving.”) Of course I don’t have to worry about this now. She’s four. But it's inevitable that as my girls get older, things will come up that require me to momentarily park them on their path to becoming the functional and productive adults they're meant to be.
Sweet Pea might walk into the kitchen and tell us that she wants to play for the New York Jets or Lovey might decide that she wants to be a supermodel. I don’t want to be the one to step on their spirit or crush their confidence, but I also don’t want to pump them full of false hope.
Sweet Pea will likely get defensive when I tell her that the Jets probably won’t be interested in her for several reasons (the main one being that she’s not a guy) and I’m pretty certain that Lovey will be sad when I tell her it might be a good idea to look into something else since supermodels are very tall and her Jew genes probably won’t get her past 5’3. Things like that (or worse) will come up, and when they do I will show up. It‘s my job to be real about their capabilities, and when it's necessary, I will do just that. I'm not a tiger mom, but I am a mom.
That day is not today though. That day is another day. Today my daughter isn't setting goals or making life choices. Today she is just giving a beautiful picture to her mommy.
