Dollar Store Shakedown

Dollar Stores are kind of gross. How do I know this? Because I shop there. The products are all dusty. It makes me wonder: Do they come out of the cartons that way or have they been sitting around awhile? I’m going to ask next time I go. I need to know. All I know now is that when I leave, my hands feel dirty. It’s gross. Also, Dollar Stores smell funny. I don’t know what the smell is, but all Dollar Stores have the same smell. They just do. I can’t describe it, but I don’t like it.

So, why do I shop there? Because. EVERYTHING IS A DOLLAR.

There are traps though. Dollar Store traps. I'm not proclaiming familiarity with all of the traps, but I am a fairly seasoned shopper so I have uncovered a few. Following is a list that outlines the traps I have uncovered. It may not be worth much (probably only a dollar) but if I can save one person from getting caught in the net, my job is done.

Trap #1: Not all Dollar Stores are created equal. Some sell items that are over a dollar. Lame. These stores are Dollar Store imposters. Yes, they boast the obligatory dusty products and the Dollar Store smell but they have many items that far exceed a dollar so GET OUT. It’s a trap. Make sure to give the store a dirty look on your way out.

Trap #2: How many times have you been to Target and spent over 100.00 only to ask yourself:  “What the hell? What did I buy?" It’s work to get out of that place for under a hundo. Maybe you’re one of the few who sticks to your list (you’re probably real smug about it too--calling your friends as soon as you get to your car all “I only spent 46.00. I stuck to my list.” Blah Blah Blah. BARF. You‘re annoying) but the majority of us get home with stuff we don’t need because it’s-pink-and-so-SO-cute-and-I-might-use-it-one-day-for-something-but-I-don’t-know-what. This can happen to the best of us and if you think it can't happen in a Dollar Store, you're sorely mistaken. The s%&t adds up. Fast. You didn’t come in for the multi-colored clothes line clips but you’ll be damned if you’re leaving without them! The fact that you don’t own a clothes line has become sadly and oddly overshadowed by the fact that those awesome clothes line clips are only a dollar.

Trap #3: Let's pretend that the Dollar Store is a casino in Vegas. Everyone knows that the odds are against you "beating the house." The odds are in the favor of the Dollar Store; it has a built-in house edge. Just by walking into the store, you're at a loss because you can't not buy something (yes, I'm aware of the double negative, get off me). You can, however, balance your receipt and avoid their trap by beating the Dollar Store at its own game. For example: If you see something that you need like a package of Ring Pops and each package has three pops in it, don’t jack yourself around, it’s a no brainer. GET THEM. Three in a pack. One pack for a dollar. You’re at .333 per Ring Pop. JACKPOT! Congratulations. You not not only beat the house, but you're also a Ring Pop wearing bad ass.

Knowledge is power. We all know that. Armed with trap awareness, we can utilize these Dollar Stores and make them our bitches. If you're still not convinced, (hater) I invite you to brave the aisles with me once again in Part 2 of this undeniably riveting Dollar Store series. Don't forget to bring a couple bucks, some wet wipes and a stuffy nose if you're lucky enough to have one.